Derek's Funeral

So today is Derek's funeral. 

Last night Jack asked for me and him to go to the gym and leave the house around 6.45am - I was up bright and early and sat downstairs watching the last episodes of Dexter Season 2 when he phoned me at 7.00am - "where are you?" he asked - "downstairs waiting for you since 6.30am!" - he didn't believe he at first - he'd overslept.

Still, we went anyway and got a decent hour done - quite enjoyed it, I really need to get up there more. He had a sauna and dragged out his time there whilst I waited for him....again!

I had the day off from work today, I still checked emails but we're on top of things at the minute so it's all good and running the Inbox these days is manageable.

Back home we got things sorted and then Jack drove me to Headington so I could drop off the flowers at the Funeral directors and then we went to Summertown because the photos that we'd ordered for the wake hadn't arrived so Tash ordered some instant ones from Boots. I was impressed with that - she'd uploaded and ordered them and 20-30mins later I went to the machine, scanned the QR code and the photos all printed, very good service. £11.00 for 20 - so not too desperate.

Back home Lewis arrived and then we all got ourselves sorted and went and got Mum. Lewis and her family (minus Trevor) were all there and we chatted before jumping in the cars and heading for the Crematorium. It was interesting, and nice, seeing who arrived and thankfully there was a decent number of people - the 30-odd that Mum hoped would be the numbers - perhaps just a bit more than that actually. 

There were people from her work and neighbours and friends and then some of ours were there - Wayne, Zoe, Little and Big Liams and Sharon. 

We waiting in the warm room until Chanelle (funeral director) called us in and us 6 pall bearers waited outside until the right time to carry him in. Whilst we were waiting three people arrived who I didn't recognise and after being in the chapel for about 2 mins came out again - they'd arrived at the wrong crematorium!! "OMG, it's like Only Fools and Horses" I heard the lady say - of course I found the funny side to it and offered for them to stay anyway!

It was now time to carry Derek's coffin in which was for me, Jack, Lewis, Simon, Peter and Luke and we did okay - but it was heavy. As I turned to return to my seat I was greeted with Tash and Charlotte crying so I had to look the other way knowing that I had my speech lined up and didn't want to get emotional reading it.

Kirsten did her bit and her introduction was good, Lewis did a reading well, and then I had to do eulogy. I did okay and just told the stories from my notes and looked up etc and enjoyed doing it to be fair. A hymn, music, Lewis doing another reading and soon it was all over with Kirsten wrapping things up. 

As we filed out to the music from the Hovis Advert we placed a single white rose on the coffin and milled around outside chatting and thanking people. After 20 mins people started to depart and go back to work or the pub (Vic and Danny's Abingdon Arms) - we thanked Kirsten and Chanelle and they were complimentary to us and gave mum a photo and that was it - all very well done.

We made our way to the pub and had a back room all to ourselves and we had drinks and food and caught up - it was a really nice afternoon and people stayed a long time so that was fantastic. Really enjoyable afternoon and a great send off for Derek. 

Louise and her kids decided they wanted to go home and not back to Mum's - bit odd that they don't put themselves out more for Mum, but there you go. We stayed on a bit later and then went back to Norton Close and had some food and more chatting. Mum was tired and had a headache by now so we made a move to leave her to it and she was fine with that.

Back home we all went to bed and that was the day over.

I was quite pleased with Jack as on the way home he said he liked my writing and speaking style and and I should be writing blogs - "it's very distinct". That was a nice compliment.

A long day but it was "enjoyable" and went really well. Bless Derek, he was a part of our lives and in some ways wasn't - he was very withdrawn from things but was a constant for Mum. 

She did really well today - just need to keep her active going forwards now because she's not going to be visiting the home now and with the funeral done all the planning that was involved is also free time that she now has. 

   

Derek has passed away

Normal morning and got stuff done but after a few messages from work I thought that I’d go to the hospital for a bit longer so left the house around midday and managed to park at St Joseph’s school and walk up.

Mum, Tash and Charlotte were there and we chatted and did the quiz in the magazine and I’d taken them up some packed lunch. Derek was less responsive today and didn’t do anything. 

Tash went over to Bicester to sort Dulcie’s birthday present out and and Charl went to work about 1.30pm. 

My 2hr slot was close to finishing and Derek’s breathing changed so I said to mum I needed to move the car but would look to come back and not go home. Managed to find a single space to squeeze into in Sandfield road and went back to the room. When I walked in mum said his breathing had changed and I said I’d noticed which is why I’d gone back. I’d even texted Tash saying I was staying another two hours as I “had a feeling”. 

Over the next 25 minutes his breathing changed from shallow quick breathes to slower, deeper and intermittent breathes. Eventually it seemed he was holding his breathe and I got a nurse in. She sat opposite to take his pulse and I stood next to mum with my arm around her she she held onto his hand and he slowly slipped away. 

He died at 3.00pm.

The nurse left us with him and said there'd be no hurry to do anything and she'd give us time with him. Sat with mum as she took it in that he'd finally gone. I then gave her time herself to be with him and say whatever she wanted to say in private and went outside to the waiting room and shed a tear myself and messaged Tash and the kids. Tash was in Bicester with Dulce so got dropped her and came back.

After about 20 mins I went back in and Mum was okay and ready to let the nurse do whatever it is she needed to do to finalise the death. 

We sat outside again waiting and wondering what the next actions were and then Tash arrived and they had a good hug and cry.

The nurse came back out and we collected the various items we needed and had collected there whilst mum had been staying there since Sunday. One last good bye and kiss and we left Derek to the hospital, bless him. Makes me tear up typing this now - and this is three weeks later after the funeral catching up on my diary entries!!

We were all a bit numb really and not sure what to do. We came back home and spent the rest of the evening at ours. Charlotte came over and everyone supported Mum as you'd expect. We chatted about Derek and things that need to be organised but didn't spend much time on that side of things, was the time to do so.

It has obviously been a long and tiring week and emotionally draining and I drove mum home and decided to stay the evening so we sat in the front room at hers for a couple of hours chatting - she didn't really want to go to bed but we did and it was the first time I've slept in my bedroom for about 30 years - that felt odd.

So that's it - Derek fought really well even at the bitter end, I am so relieved that I had the feeling I did and stayed on - Mum would have really appreciated it and would have struggled being on her own.

Sad but at the same time it's not a massive shock to the system because Mum has lived on her own for 5 years now, it's just the finality of it that makes it so very hard. 

Bless him.

Happy New Year!

Woke up okay - not too much of a heavy head - phew! Same for Tash. Managed to get through all the Festive Season without a hangover so that's a result.

Pottered around in the morning and got jobs done and then Mum came over for lunch and stayed a couple of hours catching up which was nice. We then went over to Charlotte's to collect the bureau they took from Sue's but couldn't sell so we're taking it into our house to free up space for them as they need to get working on renovating their kitchen.

We all then went (in two cars) over to Sue's and had spag bol there which was good - we stayed quite a long time for her and even did Jay's Quiz - not a bad effort in the end with about 43 out of 50 - happy enough with that!

Didn't have a drink - will see how long that lasts shall we? Couple of weeks in theory should be possible.

Came home and went out for a walk as I wanted to get to 10k steps today - not even close which was failure on the first day!! Came home and we watched another film - this time it was once called Labor Day - bit odd but it was nice enough. That took us to 9.30pm and I've been waiting all Xmas for 9.00pm today for the second season of SAS Rogue Heroes - started watching it and Tash gave up after 20mins and went to bed. 

It didn't disappoint and the announcer said the next episode was on iPlayer so I checked on there and sure enough...all six episodes were there! It had to be done - I watched them all and went to bed at 3.30am. Loved it. And they've left it so that there HAS to be a season three to cover them as part fo the D-Day invasion.

With that I went to bed - eyes a bit sore I must admit! Worth it though.