Normal morning and got stuff done but after a few messages from work I thought that I’d go to the hospital for a bit longer so left the house around midday and managed to park at St Joseph’s school and walk up.
Mum, Tash and Charlotte were there and we chatted and did the quiz in the magazine and I’d taken them up some packed lunch. Derek was less responsive today and didn’t do anything.
Tash went over to Bicester to sort Dulcie’s birthday present out and and Charl went to work about 1.30pm.
My 2hr slot was close to finishing and Derek’s breathing changed so I said to mum I needed to move the car but would look to come back and not go home. Managed to find a single space to squeeze into in Sandfield road and went back to the room. When I walked in mum said his breathing had changed and I said I’d noticed which is why I’d gone back. I’d even texted Tash saying I was staying another two hours as I “had a feeling”.
Over the next 25 minutes his breathing changed from shallow quick breathes to slower, deeper and intermittent breathes. Eventually it seemed he was holding his breathe and I got a nurse in. She sat opposite to take his pulse and I stood next to mum with my arm around her she she held onto his hand and he slowly slipped away.
He died at 3.00pm.
The nurse left us with him and said there'd be no hurry to do anything and she'd give us time with him. Sat with mum as she took it in that he'd finally gone. I then gave her time herself to be with him and say whatever she wanted to say in private and went outside to the waiting room and shed a tear myself and messaged Tash and the kids. Tash was in Bicester with Dulce so got dropped her and came back.
After about 20 mins I went back in and Mum was okay and ready to let the nurse do whatever it is she needed to do to finalise the death.
We sat outside again waiting and wondering what the next actions were and then Tash arrived and they had a good hug and cry.
The nurse came back out and we collected the various items we needed and had collected there whilst mum had been staying there since Sunday. One last good bye and kiss and we left Derek to the hospital, bless him. Makes me tear up typing this now - and this is three weeks later after the funeral catching up on my diary entries!!
We were all a bit numb really and not sure what to do. We came back home and spent the rest of the evening at ours. Charlotte came over and everyone supported Mum as you'd expect. We chatted about Derek and things that need to be organised but didn't spend much time on that side of things, was the time to do so.
It has obviously been a long and tiring week and emotionally draining and I drove mum home and decided to stay the evening so we sat in the front room at hers for a couple of hours chatting - she didn't really want to go to bed but we did and it was the first time I've slept in my bedroom for about 30 years - that felt odd.
So that's it - Derek fought really well even at the bitter end, I am so relieved that I had the feeling I did and stayed on - Mum would have really appreciated it and would have struggled being on her own.
Sad but at the same time it's not a massive shock to the system because Mum has lived on her own for 5 years now, it's just the finality of it that makes it so very hard.
Bless him.
